Need help with turds

[pbe gummi bear]

@1buckie

I'm throwing a party this weekend and I am making a bunch of turds. I live in an area where hispanic food is readily available so my peppers are looking good. Here's what I have to work with:

Jalapeno Peppers
Applewood smoked Bacon
Chorizo
Cream cheese
Habanero Jelly
Slap yo' Daddy Rub
BRITU Rub
Bronzeville Rib Rub
Random other typical kitchen spices.

Here are some of my questions:

1- I forgot to buy shallots- are they necessary?

2- Should I mix in some rub into the cream cheese, sprinkle on top of the bacon, or both?

3- Should I use a rub I have or just go with simple curry powder?

3- What is the preferred way to add chorizo? On one hand I could mix it into the cream cheese but I am thinking that a small layer on top of the cream cheese will be better contrast.

4- Where should I put the jelly? on the bottom of the cream cheese or on top of the bacon toward the end of the cook? I could also add a small dallop on top of the turd when it's done.

5- I'll be making these the night before- any do's and dont's for mixing the ingredients? for example, I don't want the chorizo oil to go all over the raw turds.

6- What wood should I use? I have pecan, apple, maple and maybe cherry or plum.

Thanks!

[dazzo]

My random thoughts...

I like simple.

Jalapeños cut length-wise.

Fry the chorizo. In a CI pan on the grill of course. That should render a lot of the fat, then just put it on a paper towel to drain.

Mix chorizo and cream cheese, use a little of your favorite rub to taste.

Use a little bit of apple wood since the bacon is already apple smoked.

Try wrapping w/o toothpicks. 

They're turds, they'll be great no matter what.

[dazzo]

And sorry, I'm not buckie. I only have a goatee, but I do have a cheesehead

8D

[pbe gummi bear]

Thanks, @dazzo!

[1buckie]

I'm not Dazzo, but I play him on TV......



1- I forgot to buy shallots- are they necessary?

Shallots?

2- Should I mix in some rub into the cream cheese, sprinkle on top of the bacon, or both?

For the sake of speed, I just sprinkle on top of cream cheese layer in half peppers, but mixing in is a tad more flavor-inducing, yes....

3- Should I use a rub I have or just go with simple curry powder?

Yellow curry's kind of overpowering to me, but the red / mild tandoori mix...some spice, but richer flavor than yellow or other types.......
If you have some particular other rub or mix you like, test it out.....I usually do several different kinds in a batch....
***What I aim for is bacon, smoke, cream cheese (w/ whichever flavor spice or rub) & jalepeno as equal parts in the finished piece.....

3- What is the preferred way to add chorizo? On one hand I could mix it into the cream cheese but I am thinking that a small layer on top of the cream cheese will be better contrast.

Like the man says, if you put it in there raw, it will blow the things apart with grease.....tried things sort of like that & they were so greasy, they came unglued trying to eat them....pre-fry & load on top of cream cheese or mix in, either way.....

4- Where should I put the jelly? on the bottom of the cream cheese or on top of the bacon toward the end of the cook? I could also add a small dallop on top of the turd when it's done.

You can glaze near the end, flavor sticks with it pretty good that way as it's the first thing that hits......or, a layer in on top of the cr. cheese......it tends to melt, but goes all down in the bottom of the pepper & cooks into the bacon....it works fine that way too.....think P,B & J 'Turds......

5- I'll be making these the night before- any do's and dont's for mixing the ingredients? for example, I don't want the chorizo oil to go all over the raw turds.

Once it's pre-cooked & drained, that will be fine......go ahead & mash the oils out of it.....the stuff has enough flavor to it & the bacon will re-moisten it while cooking.....

6- What wood should I use? I have pecan, apple, maple and maybe cherry or plum.

Maple or cherry....cherry makes for a nice color & has he least instance of going bitter....

PS: Have Fun !!!!!

[pbe gummi bear]

Thanks, @1buckie. I meant to say chile powder not curry powder for #3. I will def fry the chorizo first. Maybe I'll try part of the batch on top of the cream cheese and some mixed in. I think the habanero jelly will be good at the end- it'll be easier to control the heat that way too. I'll kee you all posted.

[Paul Schloegel]

I cut them length ways and clean seeds (leave a couple here and there it's fun)
I don't pre cook the meat, I use a local Italian style called Cudighi, nice spice too.
Slightly mound the meat with just enough cream cheese mixed in to soften the mix don't make it runny it will mess everywhere.
Wrap with thick sliced bacon or dlb wrap with thin which tends to hold better without picks and go indirect high heat for till they start to firm up and the coals/apple wood burn down. Finish cooking/crisping bacon over coals.

Don't get freaky with the extra junk, the smoke (apple is best it brings a bit of sweet to the heat) is the ticket and a quality sausage.  You can even go with a lesser quality bacon, which tends to stretch easier while wrapping, the grease wont hurt and cooks off.  As it does that it also tightens around the halve keeping all that goodness where it should be.

[mhiszem]

This is all great info about turds, I need to make a batch again. With all of these ideas you could probably make a turds cookbook. There are so many different varieties....

[Sramsey]

I made turds for the first time a few days ago. Kind of winged my own thing,will post pics one of these days. I started out with lite cream cheese,spreadable kind in the bucket not in the box. Think it was easier to work with because I didn't have to wait for it to soften. Threw some paprika,salt,and onion powder. Mixed it all up and seemed to taste like veggie cream cheese to me. Came out great. My one tip is yes mix your stuff in the creme cheese. I made them the night before too. The one thing you will see repeat is the word exxplosion. Put too much cream cheese and it will come out. Does hold up pretty good though.

[pbe gummi bear]

Thanks for the tip, @Sramsey. I've overstuffed turds in the past as well, making them difficult to eat.

Lawrence

[MacEggs]

@pbe gummi bear , when it comes to turds, KISS!

Don't stretch the bacon when wrapping.  We all know bacon shrinks.
If it's stretched around the pepper and filling, then when it cooks, a lot of the filling eventually spills out. At least, that's been my experience.
I don't stretch the bacon anymore, and I use @1buckie 's wrapping method.  Works great! 

[pbe gummi bear]

@pbe gummi bear , when it comes to turds, KISS!

Don't stretch the bacon when wrapping.  We all know bacon shrinks.
If it's stretched around the pepper and filling, then when it cooks, a lot of the filling eventually spills out. At least, that's been my experience.
I don't stretch the bacon anymore, and I use @1buckie 's wrapping method.  Works great! 

Great tip. Thanks!

[1buckie]

Aw just load 'em up , stretch the bacon all ya want & git 'er done.....



Just make sure you do a bunch if you're throwing the party !!!

[MacEggs]

I can't be the only one Jonesing for some turds right now .... And, it's a school night ... albeit, the last one. 

Mmmmmmmmm ... Love those pics, Ken! 

[Jocool]

I'm new to this, but I have found that people like simple better. I forgo the rub in the cheese mix and mix in a bit of mixed herbs. The cheese mix is simply cream cheese and shredded cheddar. You could hse differing cheeses for flavours sake.

I have used a few different proteins in there like shredded lamb/beef, cocktail franks and even Lebbo sausages. But I always go back to a little smoked Hungarian Beef sausage that I have found to be very popular in my turds, yet ultra hard to find now that the local supermarket has dropped it as a line.

And finally I use smoked speck that I have the deli slice. Our regular bacon os way to thick and seeinf as most of the peppers I source are smallish, the thinner sliced speck sits a lot better and looks more appealing.

I make them the night before and if I know I'm pressed for time, I have made them two days in advance. I sprinkle a little bit of my Memphis Dust on them before cooking or even when they are made. This helps them brown a little when cooked and isn't absolutely necessary for me. At a pinch you could probably just sprinkle some brown sugar on top.

HTH.