So like many others here, I was excited to jump on the Groupon deal (with the additional discount) and picked up a Pizza Kettle last week, after reading many, many reports here and elsewhere on the web about how it was essentially an idiot proof pizza making experience.
Well, you know the old saying, make something idiot proof, and they'll go and invent a better idiot. I, dear friends, appear to be that new class of idiot fully capable of making the Pizza Kettle significantly worse than just a good old kettle (or gasser. Or oven. Or leaving a pizza out in the sun and willing it to cook. I kid about the last-barely). I was having pretty darn good success using a 22" kettle and a full chimney load of KBB. I put a cast iron griddle elevated on a few upside down charcoal baskets with most of the coals not under the griddle. I'd have a few moderate issues with the top not getting fully done, or the bottom beginning to burn, but I was getting >500 degree temps and pizzas done in between 5-10 minutes.
However, I felt like I could do better, you can't have enough toys (some people's comments that "its my favorite accessory" surely helped) and I like to support made in the USA when possible. Win win win with the discounts. Fast forward to yesterday. I've got my 22" out, fire off a chimney, load up the grate, add in the griddle, go next level by adding a top grate and putting on another, smaller griddle in an effort to do a poor man's Pizza Steel and decrease the head space. I arranged the coals in a 'C' shape around the back and sides with one chunk of wood (first pizza was intended for the hungry girlfriend, who can be touchy with regards to smoke flavor so I wanted to go minimal on hers, not knowing what I was in for), using a charcoal basket in the middle to help keep it clear under the griddle and watched the PK thermometer. 100 degrees....110 degrees....120 degrees...(pauses to do taxes) ... 150 degrees (changes oil in car, runs several loads of laundry) ... 180 degrees .... pulls out hair dryer and starts blasting the opening...200 degrees....200 degrees....200 degrees. Topped out. Now a full chimney of KBB will typically get me easily into the 450-500 range, so I start spot checking with my infared reader, thinking maybe I have a wonky thermometer. Although the temp is higher in the back than the open front (understandably) the temps are in the 180s to very low 300 range. I'd read that some people have success with an unlit chimney on top of the lit coals, so I dumped in most of a chimney of unlit lump. No real change. I'm on an easy 20+ minutes now and the temps were just 2-300 degrees. I light 3/4 of another chimney of KBB and dump that on top of the lump, arranging it more towards the front to fit everything in. I finally get into the low 300's and figure I'll throw the pizza (made in the included pan) in and the temps would rise.
Over 20 minutes later I pulled it out and it was...mostly cooked. A little doughy for me. I went in and made myself a small pie and added it to the griddle, still with KP therm reading below 400. Scorched the bottom to a crispy black in about 10 minutes (griddle temped in the high 500s at this point), though the top looked decent). Made another one and used the pan. Around 12-15 minutes mostly cooked, tossed it on the griddle to crisp up the bottom and then domed it to finish the top. Next one I tried about 4 fist sized chunks of mesquite. None of them really launched into blazing flame.
Long story a little bit shorter, while I finally got a couple decent pies, it was a 2.5 hour ordeal and a LOT of babysitting for something that was supposed to be easy. Some of that was fiddling with a new toy, but still, much more work for same or worse result as my kettle and a griddle on some elevated baskets.
Now, I know there was a lot of thermal mass in there (2 reasonably big cast iron griddles) but the open window in the front sure seemed like a giant heat loss, rather than a nice source of air. Plus, I don't think it was that much more than a stone and a Pizza Steel. I followed the instructions by shutting the top vent and alternated the bottom between wide open and partially open. The KBB had been from an open bag stored in the charcoal bin of my covered second generation performer, and showed no signs of dampness or anything. I waited until nearly all of the chimney was ashed over (all but the top few briquettes, which had started to ash). The mesquite was from an unopened, albeit slightly old, bag of chunks. I used the C shape for charcoal arrangement. It was in the mid-50s here and sunny, with some wind but not a crazy amount.
So basically, what the heck happened and went wrong? This really knocked the excitement out of the purchase for me, although I'm going to try again as soon as next weekend. Seems like everybody else went put together, add to grill, dump in chimney and chunks, poof, pegged thermometer.